If your kids are out of the house and you’re starting to wonder whether it’s time for you to move too, you’re not alone. A lot of people are doing the same thing—especially here in the Triangle, where more than half of the folks who moved in recently were 55 or older.
Some are moving to be near family, some are just tired of maintaining a house that’s way bigger than their current life, and some—let’s be honest—just want less stuff and more time to actually enjoy life.
So John Sibert (an architect-turned-agent inRaleigh) and I sat down to talk about what really goes into this kind of move.
You can watch the video version here. This is the summary of our advice.
1. Start with Lifestyle (Not Listings)
Before you start looking at houses, get clear on how you actually want to live.
Do you want to walk to restaurants and coffee shops? Or do you want quiet mornings with only birds for company? Would you trade a yard for a walkable neighborhood—or vice versa?
And if you have a partner, talk about this out loud. Seriously. Everyone thinks they’re on the same page until one person says “small” and means “townhome” while the other hears “tiny cabin in the woods.”
2. Plan for Your Future Self
Even if you’re perfectly healthy and hiking mountains right now, think ahead a little.
None of this means you have to act older than you feel—it just means you’re being smart about your options.
3. Know Your Social Energy
Some people want a built-in social calendar. Others would rather wave politely to their neighbors and go back inside.
Be honest about where you fall on that spectrum. If you know you’ll never sign up for pickleball or trivia night, maybe a big planned community isn’t for you. On the flip side, if you want to make new friends fast, those communities can make it easy.
And if you’re moving to be near kids or grandkids, remember—you’ll still need your own community. It’s nice to have family nearby, but it’s not their job to be your only social life.
4. Get Real About the Money
Every lifestyle comes with a different price tag.
Downtown Raleigh or Downtown Durham? You’ll probably pay more per square foot.
Farther out from the city cores in places like Apex, Pittsboro, or Holly Springs? You might save money but spend more time driving.
Factor in things like HOA fees, possible renovations, and the general cost of living in each area. And don’t forget to think ahead—if you ever decide to rent out or sell later, will it be easy to do?
5. Prepare for the Emotional Part
While it’s really exciting to think of a new lifestyle for your next phase of life, there is typically a big hurdle to cross that can lead to a lot of conflicting emotions.
It’s not just a move—it’s saying goodbye to the house where you raised your kids or celebrated all those holidays.
You’ll hear a lot of talk about “storage” from people in your shoes. What they really mean is, “How do I let go of my life in boxes?” And honestly, there’s no shortcut. You just have to keep reminding yourself: it’s more important to be near the people than to be near the things.
6. Keep Flexibility in the Plan
Maybe you’ll want to travel for a few months. Maybe a health situation will pop up. Maybe you’ll just change your mind.
Choose something that gives you options—whether that’s a low-maintenance condo you can lock and leave, or a single-family home you could easily rent out if you decide to spend a summer in Italy.
Just make sure you know your city’s rules. Even some single-family homes have restrictions on short-term rentals. Each municipality is different.
7. Explore Your Main Options
55+ Communities
These are the plug-and-play option. Everything’s new, the grass gets cut for you, and there’s usually a full social calendar if you want it.
The tradeoff? They’re often farther out from city centers and very structured. For some people that’s comforting; for others, it’s suffocating. And if you were hoping for grandkid sleepovers every weekend… check the fine print.
Urban Living
Think walkable neighborhoods, coffee on the front porch, running into friends on your way to dinner.
You’ll trade square footage for convenience and energy. Just know you might also gain a 4 a.m. trash truck alarm clock and might not get everything on your list (garage, newer construction, big closets, etc).
New Construction
For some, a new house is the only way. A Clean slate, no projects, and fewer maintenance surprises.
You can pick paint colors and maybe your fixtures, but not every last detail unless you’re building fully custom. New construction can be a great fit if you want modern comfort and lower upkeep.
A lot of builders are now creating vertical homes—think three or four stories with an elevator. This is very common "Inside the belt line" in Raleigh, Downtown Durham, and Downtown Cary for urban infill. It’s a smart setup if you want both space and aging-in-place options later.
Renovate What You’ve Got
Sometimes staying put makes the most sense, especially if you love your neighborhood. Just know that major remodels can get expensive fast—often more than you’d expect. Compare that cost to what it’d take to move before you commit.
8. Don’t Rush It
Downsizing is part logistics, part therapy, and part strategy. The best thing you can do is start early. Explore neighborhoods. Talk with your spouse or partner about what really matters. Visit a few model homes or open houses just to get a feel.
Even if you don’t move for a year or two, those conversations will make the transition much smoother when the time comes.
Bottom line: downsizing isn’t really about having less—it’s about having what fits.
When you’re ready to think it through, John and I can help you map out what that looks like for your life, your timeline, and your version of “home.”
